You do the research, you read the articles, you keep your ear to the ground on healthy habits (heck, you read this blog), so you have a pretty good idea of what you need to do to create a healthy body and mind and you do your best to put it into action.

That is why it can be so completely frustrating when someone you love, like your spouse, friend, or sister demonstrates unhealthy habits. Not only is it tough for you to watch, but it makes it harder for you to put your healthiest foot forward when you lack a partner in crime to support you in your personal health and fitness goals.

Rather than watch your loved one continue to make poor choices and deteriorate their health, I highly recommend that you have a conversation with him about your concerns. Yes, talking with your loved one about their health can be a point of contention and a bit stressful, but it has the very real potential to start changing their ways.

Having a health talk with your loved one does not mean that you are presenting information in a “I-am-better-than-you” way, but rather simply expressing concerns over their health and the potential results of their actions not only to themselves but to your family as well.

When you feel ready to have this health talk with your loved one, try implementing a few of these strategies to make them feel loved, supported, and ready to explore some changes.

Determine if they are interested in changing. You probably know this from your past conversations and their health habits, but asking the blunt question if they are ready to change might be just what they need to start seriously considering their own habits. At the bare minimum, you will learn what they are willing to change on the most basic and minuscule level.

Avoid placing blame. However you start the conversation, avoid placing blame either on your loved one or on yourself. You are an active part in your own health just as much as your spouse’s unhealthy eating habits is an active part in his own health.

Decide if the conversation needs to be casual or serious. You know how far off healthier habits your loved one is, so you need to determine if your health talk should be a casual one where you mention healthier food substitutions, recipes you would love to try, and your favorite ways to workout, or if it needs to be a more serious one where you discuss the very serious health risks that can arise from these unhealthy choices.

Ask how you can support them. Sure, you might have your own ideas of what to do here, but those may not be the same things your loved one truly needs from you. If they say they do not know what you can do for them, then it is perfectly find to offer 2-3 suggestions to get their thoughts started. Offer to let them think about it and tell you how you can support them in a few days. Some ways you can offer to support your loved one might include:

• working out together (whatever that may look like and at whatever pace)
• taking over parenting duties for an hour a few days a week so they can workout in peace
• cooking together
• meal planning together for the upcoming week
• keeping trigger foods out of the house
• encouraging more active events on the weekends or after work, which will also make you more active!

Skip ultimatums. Phrases like, “If you do not change, then I will ____,” are threatening and often not the motivator that is going to create a lasting effect. In fact, a lot of times ultimatums may have the opposite effect. You know your loved one the best, so tread very lightly if you find yourself entering ultimatum territory.

Let them ease into it. The goal is to create lasting change rather than jumping into a crash diet. Whatever health changes your loved one needs to make, and there may be many, they need to ease into it. It might be frustrating for you that they only change one or two habits at a time, but keep in mind that you are in this for the long haul and not the quick fix.

Have them find accountability outside of just you. You do not want to be the one always watching what your loved one eats or keeping count of how much they work out. Encourage them to find some support and accountability outside of just you. For instance, joining (or starting) a health challenge at work, hiring a Health Coach, being part of a health and fitness Facebook group, or enlisting a friend as a gym partner. All of these options will take the pressure off of you to be the health gatekeeper.

Make it fun! Find a new recipe to cook together or join a workout program you can try together. Bring new ingredients into the kitchen or start a little friendly workout competition between the two of you. Involve your kids in outdoor games and activities. Whatever will make it fun for both you and your loved one, make that happen.

Be a role model. You do not have to be in their face about all the healthy things you are are personally doing, but being a role model can have a huge impact in demonstrating how easily healthy eating and movement can fit into daily life regardless of how busy you are. Eventually, your loved one with start to follow your lead and make their own health changes.

Provide some literature suggestions. If you have gone the more serious conversation route, your loved one may not believe your facts. Telling them where you got your sources of information and offering to share those sources can be helpful. That way, your loved one can read that information for themselves and not just take your word for it.

Be open to new learning. While you may know what works best for your body in terms of nutrition, eating habits, and movement, your loved one is just embarking on this learning process. Rather than forcing him to use your methods, be open to the methods he wants to try for himself. Remember that what works for you may not necessarily work for him!

When it comes to your own health, and the health of those you love, there is no reason to wait to improve it. If there are habits that are easy and simple to put into place, then get started! A year from now, you will wish you had started on those habits today.

Have you ever had a health talk with someone you love? How did you approach them? How did it go?

Brooke Selb

I’m Brooke Selb, a Personal Trainer and Health Coach specializing in helping busy moms and moms to be to easily juggle mom life with family friendly recipes, and easy exercise routines to help you achieve your fitness goals that fit in with your already busy life with sound nutritional advice.