Why Ultimatums Are Not What You Need For Your Mental Or Physical Health

“I never eat after 7pm. If I do, I workout for an extra half hour the next day.”

“I never miss a monday workout. If I do, then I work out the other 6 days without question.”

“I never regret a workout, that’s why I workout no matter what.”

“I always workout 6 days a week; it’s the only way I get to eat what I want.”

“I must always leave at least one bite on my plate, otherwise I don’t get to have dessert.”

How much of your life is filled with statements like these? It seems like every client I work with has some sort of ultimatum that they have inflicted upon themselves whether or not it is one that truly works for them, one that they have heard from someone else, or one they saw on a “motivational” poster.

If you have ultimatums like this, I have a few questions for you:

1. How much mental time do you spend thinking about your “never”, “must”, and “always” lists?

If your nevers, musts, and always take up some serious mental space, then they are probably not the most effective things for you to be doing. This is especially true if you are unhappy in them. For instance, if one of your nevers is to “never eat after 7pm”, but a dinner you went to with friends turns late and you’re having fun, are you going to be angry, upset, or depressed that you broke your ultimatum? You need to leave room in your health and fitness life for the unexpected.

2. How often do you “slip” on your ultimatums?

Are you finding that you constantly “mess up” on your lists? That you’re “cheating” on them? If this is happening consistently, then the nevers, musts, and always you have set for yourself are too much. You want your goals to be attainable, not so lofty that you can never reach them.

3. What is your reaction when you “slip”?

Do you berate yourself mentally with a stream of unkind words and thoughts? Do you punish yourself at your workout the next day? Are you in a bad mood for the rest of day or week because you didn’t do something on your list?

None of these reactions are healthy for you mentally or physically. Your health and fitness should bring you joy. You should feel good about your choices and allow yourself a bit of wiggle room to enjoy those late nights with friends without worrying about breaking a rule.

4. Are these ultimatums sustainable in the long term?

While having ultimatums may be effective when you are first trying to set a routine and healthy habits, once you find a balanced lifestyle you should be able to let them go. Many of the rules that are set in the beginning are not sustainable for a lifetime. I always coach my clients to set habits that they can a) slowly set, and b) are sustainable over time. Which is why crash diets, strict rules, and hours upon hours working out are not in the plans.

If you have even one ultimatum that you know you spend too much time thinking about, punish yourself for if you miss, and won’t be able to sustain for more than a two to three months, then I want you let it go. Instead of using an ultimatum to set yourself up for a health lifestyle, think through these questions:

A. When you imagine your health, what do you see?

I know for me personally, this looks like a non-restrictive diet with mostly fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins. It also looks like playing outside with Zoey while feeling fit and comfortable in my skin. It looks like not being overwhelmed, shameful, or paranoid about my food choices, but instead eating to feel my best mentally, physically, and emotionally.

B. What do you need to do to feel your best and reach this vision?

For me to reach this image, I need to keep mostly health foods in the house, create meal plans for particularly busy weeks, and stay as active as I can when I can through running, walking, and lifting. It also means I can eat desserts and snacks without feeling guilty or like I did something bad.

C. How can you stop being so tough on yourself and start embracing how far you’ve come?

Another way to let go of those ultimatums, is to really evaluate how far you have already come in your health and fitness journey. Start embracing all the hard work you have done!

If you would like to work with me as your health coach and truly evaluate your ultimatums, shoot me an email to schedule a free consultation at wreckingroutine@gmail.com, or complete this form and I will get in touch with you!

RQ: What is one ultimatum that you currently have, or used to have, that you want to let go of?