Debating about being a stay at home mom? These are the 12 truths to being a stay at home mom I learned after one year home with three young children.

As teachers start welcoming students back into their classrooms, staying late during those first few weeks to make sure everything runs smoothly the next day, and building in strategic lessons and conversations to get to know each student individually, it is not lost on me that I am not classroom teaching this year.

The start of this school year marks one year of me being home with the kids. I was a teacher for 11 years and left at the end of the 2018-19 school year to spend more time with Zoey, William, and our then soon-to-be Hazel. A decision that took me the full 2018-19 school year to make and one that I am so glad I did (except on some minutes of some days when all three are crying).

I wanted to capture some of what I have learned this past year being home with the kids in a blog post. When I was weighing my decision to keep teaching or to be home, I asked every older teacher what they did, read as much as I could about others who did it, and had endless conversations with Rob about what it would look like and if I could really handle it. I am hoping this post helps others debating that same decision.

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Throughout this post, I use the terms stay at home mom and work from home mom interchangeably. I work from home once the kids go to sleep at night (more about that towards the end of this post), but I am a full time stay at home mom during the day.

Why I chose to stay home

Honestly, staying home with the kids was never on my radar.

Working from home definitely was, which was why I started blogging in 2013 and personal training from home in 2015.

However, after William was born exactly two years and five days after Zoey and I headed back into teach exactly three months later, I was completely heartbroken.

I loved my job as a high school ESL Specialist, I was part of the Building Leadership Team, well-respected by staff and students, but my heart was not in it. I was not getting as passionate about building decisions, teaching practices, and positive test scores as I used to.

I felt like I kept having these kids just to have them put in daycare and what was the point? There were many mornings during the week I would not even see the kids before I left for work. I felt like I was racing all day at work so I could leave exactly at the end of the contract day and speed home to squeeze in as much time with Zoey and William before bed.

It was 24 hour rush that was breaking my heart.

Throughout the school year, I spent most of my time weighing the options of being home. Through endless conversations with Rob, chats with my very close co-worker, research, and analyzing our finances, I made the decision to stay home at the end of the 2018-19 school year.

This choice also worked in tandem with our decision to move to Minnesota to be closer to family, so it truly aligned very well.

12 Truths After One Year As A Stay At Home Mom

Before we get into this year in review, I am going to say the standard phrases any time a group of moms get together and start venting about their kids.

I adore them. They are funny, kind, and creative. They love to help, be together, and are happy children. I find myself insanely giddy multiple times a day that I get to do this.

Now, let’s get into it. There have been many lessons over this past year as being with the kids 24/7 has taught me more than imagined it could.

The time went slow

It has to be multiple times a week that someone we pass in the store or on a walk will tell us how fast this time goes as they get a little misty-eyed remembering when their children were younger.

Honestly, I have not felt that way this past year. Hazel is seven months old all of a sudden, but the year as a whole has felt long. Some days have felt utterly endless and teaching the kids basics like not to hit, how to share, and proper table manners has been painstaking drudgery at times. There were days when just making it to noon was a feat of not checking the clock every six minutes.

Time has felt like it has slowed down, which is what I was going for. I am no longer waiting for the weekends, practically jumping out of my skin on Friday afternoons to get home for an uninterrupted two days with the kids.

There has been more self growth and self reflection than ever

It is hard to explain what being the main caretaker for three small people every day it like. They are your confidants, your entertainment, your conversations, and your lunch buddies. You are everything during the day.

It can take a toll.

There has been a lot of reading on motherhood, a lot of reflecting on the type of memories I want my children to have, and a lot of changing how I react or the words I use to set a better example.

I am also painfully aware of how severely a workout can reset my entire mood and patience level for the day. Even though fitness is my job, I also make it a priority to be my best self for the kids.

You have to be willing to do the work on yourself so you can demonstrate strong role model back to your children.

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I am more patient than I thought

Throughout my teaching years, staff and students would regularly comment on my patience and my even keeled manners.

Being a stay at home mom has me invoking more of that patience than I have ever needed as a teacher. This includes my third year teaching, which was a doozy.

This is not to say that I am patient every minute of every day, but the kids know what to expect out of me. William will even start doing his calming breathing techniques before I even ask him since he knows what I am going to say.

I do not like to play trucks

William loves trucks. He spots them everywhere, has multiple toy trucks, and his favorite one is a dump truck. Apart from cooking in the play kitchen, playing trucks is his favorite thing to do.

I can zoom trucks, tip trucks over, and pretend to load and unload them for about 20 minutes before I lose all interest and start itching to find something else to do.

There are a few minutes every day where I briefly question if this is what I want to be doing.

These questioning minutes usually happen when all three kids are melting down, when Zoey and William are fighting, or when I am trying to accomplish something that may not directly involve the kids.

The moments that I am sure this is what I want to be doing far outweigh the brief ones that do not. When I was teaching, I was constantly questioning why I was there and the kids were in daycare. It was pretty much every minute, so this is a major shift from that.

My own daily goals go on hold

I have a running joke with Rob that the only time I get overly frustrated with the kids is when I am trying to accomplish something. If I put my own agenda away and just roll with our day, everyone is much happier.

This does not mean the kids rule the roost and are just running amuck all day. It means that I am not trying to organize all the outgrown kids’ clothes, squeeze in a draft of a blog post, or plan next year’s epic vegetable garden while the kids are awake.

For the most part, I wait until they are in bed to tackle my own agenda. Some things they are able to help me with if I do not mind the triple time, extra mess, and all the questions.

We have a flexible weekly schedule

If we want to go to the museum on a Tuesday, we can. Have a playdate with our friends on a Thursday? Done. Get some grocery shopping done a Monday morning? Easy.

Having an open schedule to flit about as we please is the best. There is no more living for Friday’s, no more battling weekend grocery crowds, and no more timing our bigger outings with holidays or days off.

We all thrive on our daily schedule

It has to be the teacher in me that I keep the kids on a tight daily schedule. That being said, every single one of us thrives on it.

The kids know when they eat, when they play, and when they go to bed. Zoey, our slightly OCD oldest, gets cranky during a day when we are not following our normal schedule. William, our do-what-he-wants jokester, needs the schedule to give him those parameters for meals and behaviors.

I love our schedule because it gives me clear windows of time for activities during the day instead of being wishy-washy with our time.

I am always moving

This constant movement was true as a teacher as well, but in a different way.

Now, I have a tendency to plan an out of the house activity every morning so we are out the door by nine most mornings. There are constant dishes, a child who needs something, all the projects I want to get to, and the time to either make food or eat food but not both.

William often gets demanding with me when he sits down for a meal and I am still in the kitchen making my own food or doing some dishes. He tells me to sit down.

When your two year old is telling you to take a lunch break, you listen.

I am still terrible at house chores

Cleaning the house and doing house chores has never been my strong suit. You would think that being home more would give me more time to tidy and clean, but it does not.

Cleaning is still the very last thing I want to do. I make sure the dishes are done and the laundry is folded and put away, but I do not suddenly have a regular cleaning schedule or desire to vacuum.

I had to work harder to make friends

All of my friends used to be the teachers I worked with. Leaving the classroom (and moving to a new state) meant I had to, and still have to, work harder at making friends.

I joke about it being “mom dating” with every mom I hit it off with when we just met at the playground and I ask for their phone number for a future playdate.

Other ways I have made friends is through MOMS Club, which I joined shortly after we moved, and through Zoey’s preschool group.

Stay at home moms are not boring or stupid

This one is going to sting.

I used to think that stay at home moms were boring. The first few months that I was one, I still thought that even about myself. The longer I have been a SAHM, the more and more I realize how intelligent, motivated, active, and kind they all are.

Most of our conversations revolve around children, but the majority are well-read, proactive, excellent listeners, and can easily weigh in on two sides of an argument.

Being more than just mom

Many of my fellow stay at home mom friends have skilled hobbies, serious house projects, or work part-time. All of them have something to keep them a bit sane and separate from just being mom.

For me, that is in the form of working part time. During nap times and after the kids go to bed at night, I blog, personal train, health coach, create recipe books, and race direct. There is a bit of freelance writing in there as well.

These are a few items I sell as a personal trainer and health coach:

• Freezer Feasts
• 6 Week Full Body Tone Routine
• Healthy Meal Plans, Confident Meal Prep
• Finish Line Strong Training Plan

I really enjoy the work that I do and love how easily it fits into my daily life as healthy food, fitness, and racing are all naturally a part of who I am.

Mantras that keep me sane

In the particularly hard moments on the particularly hard days, I have a few mantras, sayings, and phrases that keep me calm, focused on the kids’ needs, and being the best self I can for them.

• “Let them be little cause they’re only that way for a while. Give them hope, give them praise, give them love everyday. Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle. Oh, just let them be little.
• She is only four years old. He is only two years old.”
• “When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not to join their chaos.” -L.R. Knost
• Be their port in the storm.
• Lead with love.
• Listen first.
• If we mess this up now, we are going to pay for it for the rest of our lives.
• If Jesus could be patient with what he was up against, I can be patient with this.
• This is their whole world. Make it as positive, loving, fun, interactive, and safe as possible.
• I only get them for 18 summers (insert season here).

It has taken a full year of adapting to this full time mom lifestyle, but I feel like I am finally in a happy place of investing my time, energy, and patience into the kids without resentment.

Yes, I want my business to grow, I want more hours in the day for me, and I want help in the hard moments. However, I have a peace about being home with the kids right now. There is zero doubt in my mind that this is exactly where I am meant to be right now.

If you are in the middle of debating making the leap to being home more with your children because you want to, I vote you go for it. You can always go back to how things are now, but you can never get back this time with your children.

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